I have been thinking about this whole process of death and grieving since Grandma’s death. I am amazed with how unpredictably predictable it has been. If you had asked me to predict two months ago – before Grandma was even ill – what it would be like for my grandma to die I would have said that I would be sad but functional for quite a while. I would have said that my grief would not be exhibited as visible emotion.
Now that the funeral is over and I am able to look back (from close proximity) I am amazed to find how much the weight of Grandma’s death was exhibited as outward emotion. I was also amazed to discover that it could not really be categorized as sadness. Even after such a brief illness it was a relief for her to be released from her pain. The other amazing thing is that the grief seems to be over so soon after the funeral.
What I learned, in essence, is that there is a whole lot of therapeutic value in attending the funeral and processing the grief and pain in concert with others who are sharing the loss in common with you. This may not be completely over for me, but it is certainly no longer at the forefront of my mind – life has once again replaced death in my thoughts.